#I HATE CHEESE

[stardevlin]

Yes

[listerbirdloml]

for my "give me a word, ill write an IWBFT short on it" the first one we have is Cheese from @0s3manv3rse !! tyvm for commenting :))

theres no real content warning apart from maybe excessive wealth, strong language, angry rowan, and Bradley Walsh. wrote this in twenty minutes pls enjoy. 729 words.

Cheese 

“Did you eat my Gorgonzola?”

“What?”

As Jimmy looks up from his phone and sees the positively miffed look on Rowans face, he can’t help but feel the need to laugh at him. He’s got a pink sheet face mask on with, honest to god, cucumbers under his eyes. But beyond the hydrating sheet, Jimmy can see the creases of his eyebrows and the frown distorting the mouth of the mask.

“Did you eat my Gorgonzola?” He’s holding up an empty container and waving it around. “I got it ordered yesterday. Jimmy, this cheese cost me, I shit you not, five hundred quid.” Jimmy gawks and Rowan ignores him. “I just wanted to try it, and now it’s gone.”

"No, Rowan. I didn’t eat your ridiculously overpriced mouldy cheese.” Jimmy puts his phone down. “You spent five hundred quid on cheese?”

“We all make bad decisions after wine, Jimmy.”

“Heard.” 

They both look at the new addition to the room, a grinning Lister Bird who props himself up on the counter, crossing his legs. He too has a face mask on, blue, with a ridiculous headband pushing his hair out of his face. It has comically large white bunny ears on top, and Jimmy truly doesn’t care to know where or when he got it. but unhelpfully, his brain reminds him of his Halloween costume from the year before.

“Hah hah, very funny.” Rowans tone is dry and rolls his eyes as he continues digging around in the fridge in the hopes that his cheese has simply been misplaced. Jimmy stands next to Lister, so they can both watch him.

“What’s he doing?” Lister asks as he crosses his arms. Jimmy sighs and leans slightly closer to him, his eyes never leaving Rowan.

"He's trying to find his cheese. He thinks I ate it.” Jimmy doesn’t necessarily whisper it, but he doesn’t speak loud enough to alert the occupied rowan. 

Lister has other plans. In a loud, chirpy tone, he happily informs them:

“Oh that? Dude, that reaked! It was all mouldy, so I threw it out.” Jimmy closes his eyes and counts to ten. He misses how Rowan's hands freeze in their shuffling of refrigerated items. His back is tense, and his eyes are also closed. Perhaps he too is counting to ten.

“You what?”

“I threw it out." Lister, as per usual, seems unbothered by the shift in tension. He looks genuinely confused. Jimmy almost feels bad for him. Almost.

“You threw it out?”

“Yeah? Dude, it was rancid. There was lit-“

Rowan peels off the cucumbers one at a time. Objectively, it’s hilarious to watch. But Jimmy is more concerned at the maiming Lister is about to receive to find it in him to audibly laugh. He does, however, have to cover his laugh behind a cough when Rowan also peels off the sheet mask and flings it onto the linoleum floor. His face is shiny with the serum of the mask, but still murderous looking.

Lister now seems to catch onto the tension as he laughs nervously and hops down from the counter. He has his hands out placatingly, and it’s not lost on Jimmy that he’s got them flat palmed. 

“Allister. That cheese was five hundred pounds.” Listers gulps, loudly. He laughs again but it has no humour, only fear. “I bought that five hundred pound cheese to enjoy with my relaxing face mask. I was supposed to be relaxing. We have Celebrity Chase tomorrow, and I intend to win. And to win, I need to relax tonight. Do I look relaxed, Allister? There was three steps to my relaxation. Fancy cheese, fancy wine, and a lovely calming face mask. And now two of those things are ruined. So, I ask again. Do I look relaxed?"

“You look great.” Lister is backing away from them now. “Gorgeous. Definitely the world's second sexiest man. You're glowing, really. I love what you've done with the eyebags. That cucumber worked a treat.” He trips over the bin but ignores it as he keeps making his way to the kitchen door. Rowan is advancing on him.

“Just run.” Lister doesn’t need to hear it from Jimmy twice before he’s turning and bolting down the corridor and up the stairs. Rowan follows him, hot on his heels.

“No murdering; we need him alive!” There is no answer to his call, but a second later, he hears a ridiculously high-pitched scream from Lister. Jimmy just sighs, opens Safari, and looks for replacements for Rowan's cheese.

[rossisrad]

livw without cheese or live without chocolates

Cheese.

[luxfuxxvii]

i hate this place. i hate this town. i hate this country. i hate CHEESE. i FUCKING HATE CHEESE!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! CHEESE IS ONLY GOOD WHEN ITS FRESH MOZZARELLA!!!!!!!!!!! CHEESE IS EVEN BETTER WHEN ITS LITERALLY JUST TOMATO CAPRESE!!!!!! WHICH IS MADE WITH FRESH MOZZARELLA!!!!!!! AND THEN THERES LITERALLY NOTHING ELSE!!!!!! ALL OTHER CHEESE CAN DIE!!!!!! except cottage cheese with some freshly cubed pears and a little bit if maple syrup. BUT THE REST OF THE CHEESE ON THIS PLANET NEEDS TO BE FUCKING ELIMINATED!!!!!! BEGONE!!!!!!!!! AWAY WITH YE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i HATE. HATE. protein. I. HATE. CHEESE!!!!!!!

[ridleymb]

I know that Hollyberry had suffered from post-war trauma for a time, leading to depression and prolonged drunkenness to the point of neglecting her country

But I didn't expect that to be when Royal Berry was so young

Bonus:

[meilas]

@brendadaaedestler @nerdywriter36 how was this on my dash

[superdoghi]

Do you ever wish that cheese never existed

[meilas]

[neotenyy]

yo gang just posting this so my thing wont rot

[dinguswingus]

“Dislikes: The Cold Reality That He Is In Fact a Toilet Above All”

[hivemindclown]

Just something I noticed

Thank you for your sacrifice beast x ancient shippers 🫡

[ask-crappy-mista]

@inquirepannacottafugo this

I feel like fugos hair would have a cheese pull

.

[eyegens]

I hate you

[greencheekconure27]

Okay, we've had plenty of those "popular food that you hate" polls.It's time for:

[thebesttransmf]

hello it is me again,,,,,, u should draw muriel eating those goldfish cheese crackers,,,,,,,,, but only if u wanna draw it

also have a good day/night ^_^

GAIQQH this req brought me back to my childhood. Im not american but my dad is, so he used to bring me those specific goldfish crackers, but one time he stopped bringing them forever. I thought they were gone from market or smth. Are they still around??? I NEED TO KNOW NOWWWW

ANYWAYS I HOPE HE LOOKS ALRIGHT its my first time drawing him so he looks wonky but Its a school doodle qgquwh, TYSM 4 UR KINDNESS ANON!! ^o^

[ruffaloon]

dying at wilson obliviously eating his sandwich while house is sitting there consumed with lust trying to use blatant homoerotic imagery to blast the idea of hot gay sex directly into wilson's brain